A Formal Diagnosis.....at last.

Well it's a little over a week since I was finally formally diagnosed as having Aspergers Syndrome.  The confirmation of what has been strongly suspected and all the research was pointing towards being a certainty is a mixed bag. Though in a lot of ways I rate it as a blessing. I will try to map Aspergers.


Now I know that things that don't make sense...like a lot of the social graces and interactions will never make sense to me. I'm part relieved, part saddened because I want to be able to interact as the rest of you do. The Book of Social Rules that you have and know by heart will always be closed to me and nothing I can do will ever open it. The lack of understand goes both ways. As much as I will never understand your world, you will get at best fleeting glimpses of mine. Selina likes her glimpses of the world through Aspie eyes and I need her interpretations of a world that just doesn't make sense and is the source of much sadness to me.

I know that in many ways I will always be someone looking in on your world and never truly part of it and that brings its' own sense of loneliness. There is freedom in this in that I have my own path to tread and  have seen things in my meditation and apparently in the world in general, that precious few of you ever will. Still there is a deep sense of aloneness and at times isolation. I see the world differently and that difference in perspective is something I would never relinquish . I have, and always will ask my own questions and seek my own answers. And this believe it or not is the most positive aspect of Aspergers.

I do like a lot of time alone.
I will consitently sit in the same place whenever I enter a room.
I used to drive my ex-wife screwy by happily eating the same breakfast for months at a stretch.

I love being able to find things out. I have recently written an essay on Jemaah Islamiyah and tracking down what was due to the word limit of 2200 a somewhat limited biography of this group was wonderful. I loved fleshing out the incredibly sparse biography of Abu Bakr Ba'asyir. In this respect an Aspergian intellect has all the grace of a Great White Shark in that when it latches onto something it never lets it go until the curiousity is satisfied. I could live without the Rain Man impersonations at times, but this would be another positive.

 A net and quite large negative, actually it's a mixed situation. Aspergers is  rare. We are by some numbers I have seen as low as 0.3% of the population. So not a lot of people actually know what to do with an Aspie when they meet one. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fTBM_3sdwE
And I have had fully 90% of what is said in that clip said to me. My way of dealing with it...depending on how tired I am...is to let the person know that when it comes to intellect there are two animals in the room. One is a retarded mouse, the other a very switched on cat....and I'm not the mouse.

The absolute drive to achieve goals is something I like...alot. Once that goal is decided on Hell and high water won't get in the way. This is, apparently quite the sight.
I am, apparently pretty well a bullshit and self pity free zone. When something is happening that I don't much like, I find a way to fix it.
I am often indifferent to diet, climate and sleep.

There are some profound negatives  to Aspergers.

1. I desperately need routine and if I lose my routine for more than a couple days, I become: short fused, less patient, less accepting and I tire of people quicker. I begin to stop functioning as a person.
2. The hardest thing I will do all day isn't a 20 km walk...it's interacting with people. After a period of interaction I need time out. Time totally alone.
3. The obsessives. A mixed one. It gets things done, but I HATE not being in control.
4. When the obsessives strike I completely miss social queues.
5. I take a lot of interactions that aren't meant to be personal as personal. I see people's behaviour as other than what it is e.g. people not including me as being them not liking me, when they are simply being indifferent. This results in anger, depression, feelings of exclusion  and general crankiness.
6. I often use alcohol as a coping mechanism
7. Impatience with what I perceive as being the proper progress of weight loss, studies, fitness regime.

Methods of mitigating Aspergers: 

1. Accept that  Nypie's and the Nypie world are a place that you are never going to understand and should stop stressing about and trying to understand. Just accept they are illogical monkey's and make no sense.
2. Obviously the first is to allow me to keep a routine.
3. If routine is broken, allow me to re-establish it quickly.
4. Allow time out. Accept that solitude is necessary and rejuvenating. 
5. Meditation.
6. See if diet and exercise will mitigate Aspergers.