It's just over six months since I was gifted with Aspergers and here is a summation of it.
By and large the knowledge of my gift has been overwhelmingly positive. The simple knowing that this is what has made me different the entire lifetime has helped.
Now I can unleash the Aspergers positive aspects such as the ability to research and ask questions and not give up until answers are found. Recently when my Aspie chromosome went completely fucking apeshit I researched and wrote a 1600 word essay in three days.
The patience is a plus. I can, will and have simply waited things out.
The need for routine helps in my meditation practice. I need the hour of solitude that waking at 4 a.m. gives me. It's my hour and I reluctantly share it.
There is a discipline that I have. Once a goal is decided upon the march towards it is relentless. Even if it appears I have lost interest in something...I haven't. Nothing that I have ever wanted has been beyond me. The results have been some truly beautiful meditations, some wonderful places I have visited and the most awesome, wonderful, beautiful thing of all...being Selina's husband and Ariels Dad.
I now share the different way I look at the world. I know Selina enjoys the memory that I have. It gets disconcerting for her to have so many facts just reeled off. Recently a classmate of mine asked me
"How can you remember so many things?"
I replied with "How can you not?"
It's an Aspergers thing.
There are moments of intense creativity...I happen to be a poet.
I have a tolerance for people...of whatever species, that I would like from others.
The negatives are when the Aspie chromosome does go completely fucking apeshit and I end up incoherent and raving about something.
There are times when I am a cringing witness to my own words. I can hear myself saying stuff and it's like I'm watching a train wreck...there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.
I wish I could suffer the foolish better...make that at all. I've never done it at all well.
The sense of isolation was very, very hard to deal with. An Aspergers really does feel they are on the wrong planet.
If there was a cure for Aspergers, you wouldn't find me in the queue. There is absolutely no way that I would ever want to be "normal". It has been fucking hard. There are times when I would have loved to be able to cut and run from bullies the way I saw people around me doing, but I am utterly incapable of that. Instead I have always stood & fought it out. This included the depression I had for so long. The loneliness was the hardest.
For all this, the wonderful, unforgettable moments have outweighed, if not outnumbered, the preferably forgotten moments.
As the photograph at the top of this says " You have no idea what it's like to be gifted with Aspergers."
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